After her son died, an Iowa mom is using his legacy to help youth find mental health support

Within hours of Gilbert High School student Henry Owen’s death, friends swarmed to his home — and their visits haven’t stopped since.

The regular visits began to comfort a grieving mother, Susan Owen. Henry died by suicide as Owen still coped with the loss of her mother, and it almost destroyed her, she said.

“(When Henry died), the entire yard became full. It spread like wildfire with kids,” Owen said. “I made a conscientious effort then (that) the kids would come first. In retrospect, it was healing for both of us … The home has become kind of like a refuge.”

She found students needed someone to talk to as much as she did. Teens, even those who never knew Henry, began reaching out, asking if they could come by and chat. Through this, the “Here to Hear You Program” was born.

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The HAMO Foundation — named after Henry Alan Munson Owen — will hold an event at Perfect Games in Ames on Wednesday from 4 to 6 p.m. to officially launch the new program. The “Here to Hear You” program is designed to create a safe space for kids to vent, as access to licensed therapists and psychologists is limited.

The program does not claim to solve problems but creates relationships with trusted adults who can simply listen and offer advice if needed. Owen said she imagines the program as fluid and spontaneous and is a collaboration for all ages.

“We are on a mission to build a community within the community to foster and build ties between children and adults, as well as kid-to-kid,” a flyer reads. “Just listen and be present. Sincerely care about others.”

More: ‘He impacted a lot of people in Iowa’: Gilbert community honors Henry Owen with a message of hope

In Iowa, mental health resources can be ‘very hard for kids to tap into’

Owen O’Brien knew who Henry was long before he knew his name. It was hard to not notice him as they played on opposing little league teams.

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“He stuck out. I’ll put it that way,” O’Brien said.

Eventually, they ended up at the same elementary school, where Henry would say things that could get his “fifth-grade self rolling on the floor laughing,” O’Brien said. He finally learned what to call him: HAMO.

The two shared a bond over video games and sports, especially as Henry formed a growing love for basketball, idolizing Larry Bird.

While he was well-liked among his peers, Henry was described as “an old soul,” a voracious reader who took an interest in the stock market at a young age. Among his closest friends was his grandmother, Emily “Marmee” Munson, who died about a year before him.

Henry was open with his mom about how the death of his grandmother was impacting him. Owen brought him to see a therapist and tried to bring him the help he needed, but he ultimately took his life in September 2020.

Owen said it is important to her not to glorify Henry’s decision. She said Henry’s friends have seen what loss can do to a family and how the pain lives with her.

“I felt like mother hen. I’ve got to take care of the kids,” Owen said. “This is not a good thing. There’s nothing glamorous about this.”

Story County Sheriff’s detective Jeff Scott responded to their home that day and found Susan distraught, knowing she needed to go to the hospital but unsure which one. Scott helped direct her to the right hospital, and Owen later called the station looking for “a seven-foot-tall blond with Labrador retriever eyes.”

Though this doesn’t fit Scott’s description, he knew she was looking for him, and the two have maintained contact since. Now, Owen said he is part of the HAMO Board of Directors whether he wants to be or not.

“The mental health system is not what I think it should be,” Scott said. “It’s very hard for kids to tap into the resources that are available.”

Through grief, Owen found that beauty can coexist, as she found a network of support around her.

“I don’t know why God waits to make us go to places in our soul that are so dark,” Owen said. “But in doing so, it opens your heart and you see true beauty.”

Marmee’s home became a place of refuge for Henry’s friends

The last year of Henry’s life was spent living in his grandparents’ home, a beautiful remote property just south of Ames, surrounded by woods with a cottage feel — though the home is not quaint.

The home is equipped with a pool, movie theater, greenhouse and all the colorful and quirky relics his grandmother acquired, including a funhouse mirror to play tricks on ladies checking their outfits upon arrival to a party and an old-timey tricycle hanging from the ceiling.

Owen moved them there to keep her father, Alan Munson, company after her mother’s death. After Henry’s death, his friends made sure the home never seemed empty and the two welcomed it.

On Mother’s Day, Henry’s friends brought flowers and flooded Owen’s phone with text messages. The first Christmas without Henry, Owen couldn’t bring herself to decorate but received anonymous ornaments that still hang on a wooden tree in her room.

“I always am checking up on Susan specifically,” O’Brien said. “I was fortunate enough to be great friends with Henry and so I like to share a lot of memories with her.”

And through speaking with Henry’s friends and other teens, Owen saw how much young people struggle with mental health — especially amid the COVID-19 pandemic and other tragedies in their lives.

New project in Iowa City: Advocates want to break silence on suicide. Here’s how to get help.

New ‘Here to Hear You’ program aims to build connections in community

Owen’s impact has reached beyond Henry’s circle of friends. Owen regularly sends young people “check-in” texts if they expressed a need for support.

“I go to Susan for anything. If I’m anxious about something, worried about something, if I have big news, if I have questions,” O’Brien said. “I don’t think she understands the impact that she’s having on some of these kids’ lives.”

Through these experiences, “Here to Hear You” was born. Not a replacement for mental health care, but another resource for kids. People in the area can become a “Here to Hear You” trusted adult, which includes an interview and a background check.

A number of things have been set in motion after Henry’s death. He was a lover of reading who fancied himself a Henry David Thoreau as he embraced the outdoors. HAMO started “Henry’s Helpers,” a read-aloud outside The Pumpkin Patch store during the Ames Main Street Farmer’s Market.

Alan and Emily Munson founded the store and it is currently managed by Owen.

HAMO is also offering $11,500 scholarships to 2022 graduates that are not based on grades, but on their vision for the future and that “they were kind,” Owen said.

“When you lose a kid, you lose your identity,” Owen said. “In the manner that he died, I didn’t want that to be what they remembered.”

And through the foundation, Henry’s legacy lives on, as someone who always worried about his friends and even complete strangers, O’Brien said.

“Susan’s doing the exact same thing, opening her house to everybody,” O’Brien said. “Just seeing the maturity and how much we’ve grown since the incident as a friend group and seeing where we’re going to go in life. That’s one of the biggest things she takes pride in as a mom.”

How to get help

There are several state and national resources for those contemplating suicide, as well as resources for family or friends who may be concerned about a loved one.

• Your Life Iowa — call 855-581-8111 or text 855-895-8398 for free 24/7, confidential support. Other resources are available online at yourlifeiowa.org. There is also a live chat function on the website.

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline — call 800-273-TALK (8255), also available in Spanish at 888-628-9454, for free 24/7, confidential support. Other resources are available online at suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

• Foundation 2 Crisis Center — call 800-332-4224 from anywhere in Iowa for free, 24/7 confidential support. Other resources are available online at foundation2.org/services/crisis-center/.

Danielle Gehr is a politics and government reporter for the Ames Tribune. She can be reached by email at [email protected], phone at (515) 663-6925 or on Twitter at @Dani_Gehr.

This article originally appeared on Ames Tribune: After son’s death, Iowa mother creates foundation to help teenagers